Who would have thought that navigating love and boys and relationships would be tougher than a 6-year degree course? Definitely, not me. As a final high school student in senior high school, I took pleasure in telling my dorm mates that I was going to have my promise ring at age 20. It might have been a casual joke but deep down, I hoped it would happen because it happened to someone I know.

So I went to the university all fresh-faced and eager to clock both the grades and my husband. Just joking.

I mean, wasn’t that the best place to meet your husband while stealing glances at each other across your hostel or meeting at the polytank downstairs because the taps in the rooms were not flowing.

The first guy that wasn’t just a crush was a cute church boy. It had to be him. We were both Christians – we loved the Lord and shared similar interests.

I was in his room when he texted me while sitting beside me that he wanted us to be more than just friends. From a distance of 4 inches. This had to be it.

Well, to cut a long story short, he told me he wasn’t ready and that he didn’t know me well enough after 2 years of being friends. What a godly way to disappear. That year was when I met sly old anxiety. I sat at the Brunei bus stop at 4 am as I moulded my anxieties into prayers.

The second guy was your typical Kwesi. I was done with the church boys. They suck. I was digging more into the bad boys’ vibe. He told me I was this pure, unblemished thing that he didn’t want to stain. Ugh. How corny. But he was fun and had a lot to teach. One is how to ignore red flags in a person.

Then came the situationship – a ship which sails on vibes, unclear labels, and poorly defined boundaries. You’re more than friends but less than lovers because one party would rather not commit. Situationship is a nasty b*tch and I honestly wouldn’t wish it for no one.

I’m not going to bore you with all my romantic misadventures and emotional plot twists that led to countless ‘I’m done with this’ phases.

I have tried to be this cynical , unbothered girl who didn’t care.
Now, I know that person was all a charade, a mask I wore to make myself unbreakable. Infallible.


But I am soft. I think.
And I deserve a love that is soft and kind and genuine
And maybe it’s time I stopped downplaying that.

Now, I did learn some pretty wonderful lessons – don’t get me wrong.

Lesson 1: Don’t be in a two year talking stage while making assumptions about a person in your head. You might as well start a research program and publish a thesis. That would be time well utilised.

Lesson 2: If he starts a sentence with “You’re such a rare gem,” prepare to be left in the museum.
You might even hear him say, “Where have you been all my life?” and here’s what I have to say to that – don’t be a sucker.

Lesson 3 : If you feel confused all the time, it’s not chemistry – it’s poor communication.


So no, I didn’t get my promise ring at 20.  But I got promises—plenty of them. Just none that came with action.

These days, I promise myself clarity, self-respect, a good skincare routine, and the kind of love that doesn’t require me to shrink. And maybe, just maybe, a soft life.