It was a time when the world seemed to hold its breath.
I’ve always loved the early mornings, especially the dawn. It was a time when most people in my part of the world were yet to stir, and there was so much quiet except for the occasional chirps from birds or crickets, and a few croaks. Early mornings were the best time for me to study. I did a lot of reflection in those hours. During vacations, I would purposely wake up around 4 a.m. just to be still or write something before people started banging the doors. It was a comforting period—I had some of the best insights then, and I miss that. Those were slow moments that I lived for, enveloped by so much stillness and calm. I’ve always prided myself on being an early-morning person. These days, however, I don’t know what I am. The line between those two has blurred so much, having gone through rigorous shakeups countless times that I can not tell them apart.

These days, I’m often too exhausted to wake up early unless it’s for work. The early mornings have been quite cold for some time now, and curling myself into a ball is all I want to do. From the time I wake up until I leave the house, there’s a lot of scrambling to finish everything on time, and I dislike that state of hurriedness. Before you suggest that I wake up earlier, let me add this: I am tired and need a good night’s rest. Also, I do wake up early. On days when I don’t have work, I prefer to steal a little more sleep or just lie in bed a little longer before rousing myself.

I started this year (somewhere around March) with a new habit—early morning brisk walks around 5:30 a.m. or 6 a.m. These walks were so invigorating and also a very productive way to start my day. They gave me something to look forward to, a reason to get up early on non-work days. They energized me for the rest of the day, and it was an activity I maintained for a good while. Initially, I was self-conscious about what people thought while I was dressed in my running shoes and shorts. Eventually, I grew out of that feeling.

It’s been rather hard to keep up with it these days. I’ve got a plethora of reasons ranging from being tired to a lack of motivation. I’m trying to get it up and going again because it did me so much good.

Those mornings reminded me of simpler times, although then, I truly believed things couldn’t be harder than they were. Such sweet ignorance. There’s a strange comfort that comes in the ignorance of certain things, and sometimes, I wish I could go back to a time before certain truths and harsh realities weighed heavily on my mind.

I’d like to clarify before continuing: “Knowledge is power.” Having the right and adequate information on a subject helps us make informed decisions that are in our best interests, and ignorance reduces the chances of this happening. However, I miss who I was before stumbling upon certain information. Some truths linger in irreparable ways—they change the way you move for a long time, if not for the rest of your life. In instances like that, ignorance can truly be bliss.

I miss the feeling of being unburdened by time. Though this might have been several years ago, I still remember how it felt when it seemed we had all the time in the world. Now, there’s a constant reminder of the ticking clock at every turn. We like to encourage ourselves with phrases like “follow your timing, there’s no rush, you have all the time in the world.” And yet, many things seem bound by time, even if we won’t admit it. Time is neither friend nor foe. It simply does as it’s meant to. It moves. It flows. It carries us along, whether we’re ready or not.

I’m well aware some things can be reprised, and others cannot. This post isn’t meant to glorify what once was, but simply to acknowledge moments like those—and then quickly move on.
What do you miss? Perhaps, like me, there are precious moments you’ve found yourself musing over.