I do not enjoy endings – unless it’s the ending of my shift, which means I get to return to the coziness of my room. Endings elicit a number of unsettling emotions that I struggle dealing with, and I know I can’t be the only one.
The ending of a year is ‘generally’ a happy time for most. It culminates into the holidays and then ushers us into a new year.
It’s a time when most people look ahead and anticipate a better year – an opportunity to get things right next time. The hope that things get better. A time to let go of the horrors of the past and strive onwards.

As a person who holds on too tight, it’s hard to simply let go of something. If I had my own way, I’d need a couple of weeks more to ’round’ things up before we bade farewell to the year.I hate how endings make me feel. Unsettled. Anxious. Unprepared. The ending of a year means I have to start looking ahead and get ready to do something or get myself motivated for the coming year.
Do you not find it exhausting sometimes? I know I do. It’s a viscious never – ending cycle.

I’m writing this for people like me who are exhausted and need a little recess time before anything else. This is for people who don’t have a plan for the coming year but want to try anyway because they know that doing little is better than doing nothing at all. I want to write something relatable. I’m not here to share my wins and what nots. I don’t feel like I’ve got them. This isn’t to say that I’m not thankful or grateful. I am. I’d always be. However, I’m worn out as well.

This year presented me with a couple of new experiences – ones that I did expect (they did not come as a shock). This year has been filled with so much uncertainty and indecisiveness. It’s frustrating, really. I’ve been so engrossed about things yet to happen that I forgot about making the present count.
If there’s one thing I’d like to do better next year, that would be to learn to live in the moment. I’ve been asked if I would be able to do that. Here’s my answer: I want to try. I’ve been so unhappy living in a time that hasn’t started yet that I forgot that life was still happening right in this very instinct.

Think I forgot how to be happy.
Something I’m not, but something I can be.

What was I made for? ~ Billie Eilish

I admit that I had set goals that were a little bit too much and all over the place. There were no specific plans to get them done – they just looked good on paper .
For the ones that I broke down into smaller steps, procrastination won. She won the battle most of the time. Procrastination, that is.
Currently, I can tell you that I don’t yet have a concrete plan for next year. If you feel this way, that’s okay. I know that I don’t need to rush into creating my ‘desired’ year when I’m not sure. I can enter the new year and still figure things out along the way. We all deserve some grace.

My fears were my biggest motivators this year, and I know that I do not want to be about that life in the coming years. I want my decisions or choices to often reflect my hopes. I need a little faith. A little more faith.
I’m grieving some connections that have dwindled or been broken.These were important to me, and yet, I didn’t know how to navigate them.

I did wish I had gone on more trips this year.That’s something to do better in next time
I find that a change in scenery every now and then is so therapeutic for me.
I’d love to hear the lessons you took from this year. I can only hope that your year went as you expected it to. If I didn’t, here’s what John Maxwell says : Sometimes we win, and sometimes we learn.